Time Travel ...Tere Ishq Mein

 

Year 1980 - The year Superstar's movie Johnny released

I was a silent admirer, an ardent fan, a devoted follower, a sincere lover, just not settled yet. She was still in college or I thought so.  I followed here everyday, everywhere. I knew that she had noticed me few days. But most days she didn't even know I was following her. This continued for months and months, 

Then one fine day...August 14th,  1980 , she stopped walking. She turned around and looked at me. I stood still. Luckily I did not turn around and run! Her sight was stern, but i was able to notice a level of familiarity. Shge didn't look at me as a rogue or a stranger. She had more questions than concerns in her eyes. I walked towards her. There was no way I was going to stop and talk to her. But i just kept walking towards her as though I was just a stranger. As I was about to cross her,  she stopped me... "Hello", She stopped me and said... ''Nalaiku thalaivar padam release aagudhu, rendu ticket erpadu pannunga, namma polam". she said that and just kept walking... I did not know what to make of it...but, the message cant be clear than this. She wanted to 2 tickets to the movie. It could be for her and her close friend or with me. Why would she come to a movie with me? Aah, but, if she wasn't going with me,  why would she ask me to get her tickets? may be she thought i could...but i have not idea how to get tickets to a first day first show of a Thailavar movie!! What do i do now? I have never been so tensed in my life. I go and meet my friend (may be acquaintance) to whom i have never asked for a favor.  I plead with him to somehow get me 2 tickets for the Rajini movie the next day. He laughs me off...he says even the area councillor cannot get it this late! I did not know what to do, She has never looked at me, she has never uttered a word to me, she has never wished for anything to me, she spoke to me once and only once and all she she asked was for 2 tickets. I was going to get it anyway.  So i went to the infamous movie theatre where all Rajini movies released. There was no queue in the ticket counter. I was surprised  and shocked at the same time. But with courage, I went to the counter and asked for 2 tickets. The guy in the counter laughed so loud, that few others around gathered to enjoy the fun of embarrassing me.  Finally they saw the genuine look in my eyes and calmly sent me away stating that there are no tickets for the next 3 days,  I understood at that moment, how naive i was. I did not sleep that night, could not sleep, kept beating myself up about how i was so incompetent that i could not do something about the one and only thing she asked me for,,.,

August 15th, 1980 - The city erupted with joyous celebrations of their favorite star's movie. I went to my usual waiting spot ahead of time with shame and guilt. I hid myself this time and had to trace her route without trace of me following her.. For the first time ever I wished she did not show up but she did show up... i slowly emerged from hiding, she waited for me to get closer.  With a lot of hesitation and sense of inability i walked towards her and in a very faint voice said that I couldn't get the tickets she wished for.  Without uttering a word, she pressed 2 tickets in my hands and said, "be there at 6 PM sharp" and walked away. I was speechless, did not know how to react, but i did realize that she had somehow made the movie 'together' happen which i couldn't.  So with no shame, i showed up 1 hr early to the novie theatre, figured out all entry, exit routes, cafeteria for snacks, the restroom area for ladies, the safest exit after the movie is over, anything and everything that could go wrong. She came at 6:07, she looked at my eyes and said with so much love, happiness and confidence "lets go,come on" .. we went in,, the movie happened,, so did WE. She was all focussed on Rajinikanth all through the movie, bragging how his thailavar was smart, rugged and strong. I felt offended or rather very insecure on how much she adored Rajinikanth. But then somewhere during the course of the movie, she held my hands and asked me..."enkitta vandhu pesa mudiyadha unnala? Nan vandhu unna koopidanuma?" i had no response, just spellbound.  I dont remember what i blabbered  back to her. I was lost.. lost in serenity in her arms. I dont recall when the movie got over, when and how we departed, and reached home. I was home in my bed, rewinding what happened at the movie theatre. Stuck between disbelief and an overwhelming sense of joy, i kept replaying the moment she held me with absolute confidence that Im her man, even when Rajinikanth was performing on screen and with all rights questioned me on why i hesitated reaching out to her. 

I finally (may be) did understand a bit about how a girl makes up her mind but why a boy still lives in doubt.  The girl makes up her mind once, but this boy (me) always loved and stayed in fear. fear of gaining her hate. For him, being nice to her was far more important than being with her. The silent, secret stalking was more certain than a very uncertain YES from her. Now that he got all the confirmation he needed, he was almost ready to be there for her. But then he jolted and woke up from his dream....he was alone, in a cold basement, in the middle of the night with no sense of where he was, his age, location, time . All he knew was that he is is desolate and still missing her. He is trying to find if he had a dream or if had travelled back in time to see something that never happened. He wished the Johnny movie incident had indeed happened.  It wasn't all a dream. after all he had followed her so long... I'm very confused now. how much of what happened to me is true? Did I go to that movie..with her? Or was is he imagining all this as part of an extended wish list?  If only I could travel back in time and confirm, if ony i can redo the movie again with her... I have to get her that Vanilla Cone Ice cream I know she loves. I know she loved it, but i did not have the money to get her. may be she knew that already. Thats why she got the tickets...but if she got the tickets, isn't it fair He get her at least the ice cream?  Tere Isqh me fanna ho gaya, abhi kuch tiik se yaad nahi hai. time travel karna padega... or just relive it again. Which ever happens first!

Imagison

AI’s image for the chanson in my mind… can AI reverse engineer and find the lyric? 

Gods are Busy

 we wish

 we pray 

we seek 

we yearn

sometimes things happen sometimes they don’t

 nothing budges 

you are teased with rays of hope 

you are left alone otherwise

 you get to see a trailer but the movie is never ready 

you wonder why sometimes... some things happen, but that one thing never does.

Maybe I found the answer or a way to stay motivated. 

The gods are just busy. Meeting our needs is secondary; they are fighting a war much bigger. Have some faith, and you might get rewarded for your patience. Ask for it, pray for it, wait for it… It might happen late, but I truly hope you will not be left disappointed.

Gods are busy, but they still hear you and love you. And if it’s your love you are waiting for, why wouldn’t the gods listen?

Yo Boy! (Netru Indru Naalai series) - Netru

 

She was the perfect definition of a tomboy. Surrounded by a gang of boys and some girls, short haircut, tall-looking figure, casual shirt and jeans all day long! The only not-so-fitting part was her cousin/bestie who always tagged along. He was far from a macho man but tried hard to be one! Together, their gang ruled the college. They were the gang leaders. Until he arrived. After he joined, nothing changed. He was a timid, soft-spoken, introverted guy. She teased him as his little brother, "Yo boy!" As fate demands, there's always this fatal attraction between the most timid and the outrageous. He was a silent admirer, but she never cared. At the end of the day, she was a "she" who ultimately cared! Admiration and care can never be hidden for too long. He admired her for all that she was and he wasn’t. She cared for him for all the trouble and bully he had to undergo just for being himself. He admired her, adored her more than anything in the world. Apart from routine, she was the only inspiration for him to get ready for college. She had no strings attached. She just loved life the way it was. She was gifted. She did have her own wishes, but generally, she was a free spirit!

---

This game of him watching her, admiring her from a distance, and she not knowing it continued for quite a while. One fine day, he was caught red-handed…by that bully, the bestie guy. He pulled him out from behind a pillar from where the silent admirer was living his day watching her walk & talk. To show off his heroism, he did tap a few times on our guy’s head, hitting him physically and emotionally. To add to the insult, he did that in front of his loyal gang, including her. She first seemed untethered, but later she couldn’t hold it. She couldn’t enjoy the sight of him being reprimanded for admiring her secretly. For her, it was no secret. She knew all along, she never minded it. She was in a cusp between enjoying vs. ignoring his adoration. But when he was publicly insulted for it, she was inadvertently part of the insult and injury. So she rubbed it off, walked away as a sign of not bloating this any further. From that day forward, our timid guy never turned around to face her. Deep down, she knew he was hurt but hoped he did not hate her.

---

Days passed, weeks passed, and months passed. Nothing changed. Our tomboy was still a tomboy, our timid boy was still a boy, and our bestie was, as usual, a bestie! As the final days of college were closing in, the whole class prepared for a trip to the beach. A fun-filled evening at the beach, a night out, and a morning of sad goodbyes was the plan. The evening went great with some games and dinner. Our boy couldn’t hide his feelings for her. He came past his fasting routine, self-starvation punishment, to get the most of her in the one last day. He left no corners, no pillars, no trees, no big shoulders to hide behind, but made sure his eyes captured her every move, every bit of her smile, her cute yet bold shakes (dance moves). Boy, he admired her like she was the only girl on earth and today was the last day to live (if the world was ending, he wanted to be next to her)!

We all know that she knew he was watching, admiring her, literally eating her in his thoughts. As usual, she did not seem to mind, but did care, though. The night bloomed late at the seashore. After all the dancing and playing around, everyone retired to their dorms while a few camped around the beach area. Our boy went to the rocky shore, picked a hard rock, and sat down to rewind and recollect memories of her. He knew the harder he thought about her, the sooner he could sleep…and buzz, he dozed off on the rock. The sound of the waves, the chill winds, nothing seemed to bother him. He slept in peace while his subconscious self sorted all the sweet memories to chew for the rest of his life.

---

In the middle of the night—we can say pretty late, or some would say early morning, around 3-ish…she walked down the shore, unable to sleep. Can you believe, for the first time in our memory, she was alone! As she walked towards the rocky edges, she noticed our boy sleeping peacefully. There was so much calm amidst the rocking waves and murmuring winds. Something in her head pulled herself towards him. She walked quietly towards him, watched him, probably admired the puny little boy for a bit. She laid down next to him, almost cuddling…She felt him, and boy, he felt her too. All of a sudden, the breezy night became quite serene just for them. They lay down there, cuddled, until the first rays of the sun hit her eyes. She slowly uncurled herself out of his arms and quietly moved out of his space.

---

It was a bright morning; everyone was fresh yet a tad down in spirit. All the girls (including our tomboy) decided to go to the beach for one fun bath before departing. They were all having fun, splashing water around, thinking about the future, if they will ever get a chance to be happy this way ever! Then came the gang of men, bringing towels and much-needed hope…"We got you!" While all this happened, our little boy was lost in thoughts, sitting at the same rock! He couldn’t comprehend what happened last night. Was it a dream or real? He couldn’t believe it was real, but wasn’t able to settle in with a dream, too. A dream would be just a dream, right! He sat on the rock puzzled, trying to make sense beyond his cognitive capabilities. Unfortunately, this rock was pretty close to the spot our girls were having fun. Our men arrive, and our bestie cousin, seeing the boy on top of the rock, soon ran to catch hold of him, accusing him of obscenely peeping at the girls. This was his heroic moment to show off in front of the girls, being their savior, accusing our timid boy of a crime he had not committed. Our boy was clueless. He could not make sense of what he was being accused of! He did not try to defend himself but was still afloat with his last night’s mystery. It was starting to become loud and quite a show before she stepped in. She came in with full force and told the bestie in her sternest voice, "Leave him alone." Without another single word being uttered or a sight being shared, she left the place and everyone else dispersed too. As she walked away, our boy kept admiring her, adoring her with his timid smile while the bestie just had to disappear to save himself from embarrassment. 

---

Our boy will never know if what happened that night was a dream or something more than that. But her words of rescue, the support she displayed with 3 words, was good enough for him. Better than the 3 words the world usually yearns for! Will he ever meet her again? Will he grow up, will she tone down? Maybe one day, they will get to meet and talk about what happened that night. That's what the future holds, tomorrow! Naalai!

Hey You (Netru Indru Naalai series) - Indru

 📱 April 3rd

She Hey

He Hey…

She Hey… Wanted to check something with you… Coming to your town for a conference, trying to book accommodation. Which one should I pick, Hilton or Marriott?

He Don’t do Hilton, Marriott is generally better, including breakfast! 😀

She Oh good, then I’ll pick the Marriott

He Good. So when are you coming here?

She It’s the 23rd and 24th this month. It’s really a last-minute plan.

He Oh good. I suppose you are driving down here?

She Nope, flying. It’s an early morning flight, should land by 8. Need to be at the conference center by 9

He That’s early! Anyways, I will come pick you up.

She No no, I will catch an Uber.

He No, I’ve got you.

She Okay…

📱 April 23rd 8:05 AM

He 📞 Incoming voice call

She What timing! Just landed. Are you here already?

He Yes… come out to pick-up point A. I will circle around and be there in a few minutes.

She Okay, okay.

8:21 AM She waits at the pick-up point, and he drives up

He Hey… get in.

She So you do know how to call?

He Yeah, I’m not social enough to make calls. I would have texted to check if you had landed, but then I can’t text and drive too!

She Okay, okay, I get it. Anyways… I thought you had a smaller car. I remember you telling me about it, not this big one.

He Yes, I changed it about a year back. Needed more horsepower.

She I don’t know about horsepower. All I need is a box with wheels which can take me from point A to point B.

He Okay, now where are we going? You mentioned an office or conference center?

She We have a training center here. Got some boring sessions today. Will check in to the hotel later this evening.

In few minutes, they reach the training center. She gets off, thanking him. 

He So, do you have dinner plans?

She I’m not sure. I need to check if they have organized dinner. Let me find that out first.

He No worries. Let me know. I can suggest a few options for dinner, or if you need a ride to the hotel, just let me know.

She I don’t want to trouble you. especially if they have dinner set up for us. I will manage...will get a ride back to the hotel. But I’ll see if we can escape out for dinner.

He Sounds good. See you later then.

📱 April 23, 3:24 PM She texts him...

She This session is so boring! I’m so sleepy… They have some kind of packed dinner here for later. I don’t want it, not after what i had to eat for lunch here! I want some hot Thai food… Can we go to some Thai place?

He Thai… There is a really good one not far from your hotel. What time will your session end? I can pick you up.

She These folks will mostly hang around for dinner and chat here till 7! I can get out by 6 though.

He make it 6. I’ll pick you up at the same spot I dropped you?

She Yes, that works for me.

6:05 PM He picks her up. They drive to the Thai restaurant. After few rounds of cocktails and complaints about the day, she brings up a few memories from the last time they met. Especially about that day (Netru). He smiled a lot, avoided old topics, ate little, listened well, and paid the bill! They drive to the hotel. He walks with her to the reception to get her checked in. They both go to her room and continue chatting a bit more. This time he is one doing all the talking. Again about the past but not so much about known memories. He delves into his own state of mind, perspective, and feelings. This made her a little emotional, her eyes teared up a bit. He did not know if it was his talking or her yawning that brought the tears! Seeing her yawn frequently, he starts grabbing his keys and initiates the exit routine. 

He So what time do you have to be there at work? Do you plan to eat breakfast here or…?

She I need to be there by 9:00. I’m not keen on breakfast. I have some bars; that should do.

He Ah, okay! I thought I will join you for breakfast here, their breakfast buffet is actually pretty good.

She I can give you company, I’ll eat very light though, but you can enjoy your breakfast.

He Deal, then I will meet you at the lobby at 7:30. We can do the breakfast and then drop you at the center before 9.

She That’s all good. But I’m pretty bad at waking up in the morning. Alarms don’t work for me. If you are coming to pick me up, can you take a key and come in a little early? Wake me up at 7? I’ll just need 15 minutes to get ready, I promise.

He said nothing, took the key from her, wished her good night, and left.

April 24th, 6:35 AM He reached the hotel parking lot at 6:15. He could not sit in his car anymore. Already, he couldn’t sleep since 3 AM. He starts walking towards the lobby. He is not used to walking slowly, but he purposely walks slowly to burn time. He drags himself very slowly to the elevators and then across the 3rd-floor corridor. It’s 6:44 AM, and he is standing right in front of her door. His mind is racing with a hundred thoughts of what he should be doing next. Should I knock? Should I just use the key and get in? Will she be shocked to see me if she is still sleeping? How do I wake her up? Open the curtains or tap her? After much internal deliberation, he opens the door and gets in.

As he walks in, there she is, all dressed up and ready, giving some final touches of makeup. She looked fresh, very professional, and ready for the day. 

She: There you are… I thought you would come early, like 6ish, to wake me up. 

He: You…you..(stutters) said 7. I did not want to disturb your sleep. Those last few minutes are very dear.

 

She: Yeah, I know… Anyways, I couldn’t sleep after 4. Been wide awake since 5, thought of texting you, but then didn’t want to disturb your last few dear mins of sleep!

He just smiled, but inside his head, he really wished she had sent that text, or at least he had made the call to come in earlier instead of sitting in the parking lot! The rest of the day she will be at work in her sessions, he will be at work, and I will be waiting to see how they both wind up this trip in the evening (Indru)!

Mad...MAD Life

 This happens...

Then..Radio silence for the next three days...Sagar stays home, never left his room...

Day 4 6:30 AM:

Sagar wakes up, gets ready, gets on his bike and drives to her house, He parks his bike 2 houses before her place waiting for her to get out. He knows well about her routine, Wake up at 8 AM, and get out for work by 8:30 AM. How is that possible? Does she even take bath? Aah, that doesn't matter. All he wanted was her to get out, so that he can see her...follow her and then go about his day, Usually right around 8:30 ish, she gets out of her house, walks towards the main road, gets past that tea shop and then walks straight to the train station to catch the metro or sometime takes a left to hit the bus depot to take the bus. Sagar ensures he is out of sight and she does not notice him in the street. 

One day he parks in the street, one day near the tea shop. For some reason or blind luck, he gets to see her more whenever he is stationed at the tea shop. This was getting very comfortable for him. Have tea and wait for her to pass. Most days she took the bus, he followed her behind the bus. The tea shop was strategically useful...to park the bike as well as wait & follow her.  As expected the tea shop guy notices him and his routine. He starts questioning about his whereabouts, where he worked etc. Sagar lies but he couldn’t sustain for long. Think about this, he just ordered tea and she is already crossing the shop area headed to the station or bus stop. Now he either has to cancel the tea or rush through the drinking process. Tough! He tried his best to avoid suspicions. 

3 weeks into this routine, he is just drinking tea and she doesn’t show up at all.  He is confused. Either he is late or too early or she has started taking another route. He tried alternate ways, routes, followed the bus, took the train, but never was able to catch a glimpse of her. He almost tried literally every place he could find her possibly but in vain.  

He was clearly confused and upset. But did a good job of showing up for work on time, a little late may be. No one knew about his daily morning routine. People at home thought, it’s just tough work schedule for him. People at work never noticed him being late few days. But reality hits.  He started feeling the weight of losing her.  He realized slowly that he is not able to see her because she is not around anymore. It was hard for him. Very hard. Unexplainably hard.  He could not digest the fact that how ever hard or planned he crafted his routine, he can never see her again. 

Then started the madness. He was not able to beat the pain of losing her. At the same time he was too preoccupied and proud to admit. Nobody knew that he was in pain. And he left it that way. With no way to heal, his only way out of that pain was to choose a much bigger pain. All the pain was in his head. He was convinced that the only way to overcome this pain was to indulge in much severe physical pain. Pain so bad that it will make him forget himself or his true pain. 

It was a rainy night. He was on his way back home from work. The road was pretty empty. He noticed lots of construction sites on either side of the road. Perfect set up for accidents. His pained weak mind suggested that he just let his bike straight into one of those sites and be done with his empty life (life without her). Either die (which he did not want to) or just induce prolonged, deep pain. pain thats deep enough to forget her for a while. And he just did that. He twisted his bike to full throttle and closed his eyes leaving the rest to fate. And boom it happened. 

Heavy rain, Wet slippery roads, and a mad guy in a bike racing in full speed towards some random construction site.. what do you think happened next? 

Miracles do happen. He landed on a big mountain of sand. Totally unhurt, both him and his bike. Yeah there were some scratches to him and his dear bike. Nothing he couldn’t hide. He had no option but to believe in the miracle or the will of god!  He cried, cried out loud that night. No one could hear him cry, thanks to the heavy rain. He needed that outburst as well as the miracle to get out of his routine. A routine where she was no longer there in his life. He knew it was going to be mad...mad life from here on. But he had to live.  Fate ir message conveyed, he had to live on. He knew it was going to be a mad…MAD life from here on. Until...he met her again.

If at all you are planning to read this again, try with this background score to set the mood. 

https://youtu.be/LuXr11w8G74?si=S7g5abjQ78bAuWIS