The Journey (Search) Continues

https://goofythinks.blogspot.com/2006/09/journey-search-begins.html

The train pulls into Chidambaram station. As it slows down into the platform, Kadhir jumps off the train as sleek as a professional thief would do! Right after the jump his mind raced to find who ‘SHE’ was. He has never been touched by a girl just by her presence so strong, yet so silent. He ran along with the train back to the compartment looking for the passenger chart. It wasn't too tough locating the compartment and the first class coupe where he met her. The chart and the coupe in which he boarded had 2 names. 2 ladies aged 63 and 23. He knew who he was looking for.  But then he had to run, stay away from light, from people, maybe even from himself. His complex, his own state made him run. 

After 2 yrs: 

Times have changed. His run is over. No one cares about him anymore. He is a free man now. Free from What? We will discuss that later. His only problem is sleeplessness. Sleepless nights due to a menace. A menacing silence, menacing calm, menacing loneliness, menacing dreams of that calm face, the peace she spared him in the train haunted him. He wanted to meet her, know her, feel her, hold her, kiss her on her forehead, he wanted to mention to her that she was the reason for his sanity, any hope of serenity in his life. In his entire life, he just encountered her that one night, but his entire life now is only around her. Who is she, where is she? No idea but he knows her name! The train was bound to Chidambaram, somehow she is connected to Chidam. He knew in his heart, that's where she would land. 

Kadhir went in search of her to Chidambaram in the same train, not in the first class coupe this time, but just in the second class  seater which he could afford. All he knew was that she is a nurse and her name. Upon reaching Chidambaram, he had a game plan to find her. Check in all hospitals about nurses and sooner or later he hoped to find her.  Easy peasy right? But it turned out much tougher than he thought. Hospital over hospital; enquiry over enquiry, day after day, week after week; It was almost a month since his search started, but nothing positive turned up. He was losing hope, and most importantly, he was getting hungry. He had no income, no savings, all he had was an empty pocket and empty stomach. With no way out, and no mind to abandon his dear mission, he deviated a bit to find a source of income to keep him alive. He was skilled (except in deception) enough to secure a job. But he could drive. Cars, Auto, Bike anything with a motor, he loved driving. But in this new town, who would trust him with a job? Being the guilty introvert he was, he had no way to find a job. One last attempt before leaving town, he built courage to boldly ask help (he has never seeked help before). He walked into a Bhai’s house where many Auto’s lined up. He walked up to him, and just said “I don't have any ID proof, but I will be very loyal. Can you give me an Auto to drive? I will pay you rent every single day. Won't miss a day. Can you please help me?”  The Bhai looked at him, gave a smirky smile and said “you look like my son, take the 3rd Auto there, give me Rs.500 everyday. The day you are not able to pay me, leave the Autio from where you took, don't try to meet me, just leave”. Kadhir was awe struck. He did not know how to react, but hope filled him in everywhere. Every cell of his being felt rejuvenated. 

With a auto driver profession and mask in hand, kadhir continued his search for her around hospitals with hope of meeting her one day. His trips were all centered around hospitals. Pick up, drop off location did not matter.. He will just come around a hospital and park, looking for nurses 🙂Funny job, but it was deeply meaningful for him,his whole purpose of life! Fate or luck, whatever you call it, one unassuming day, he saw her. His own “her”, leaving a hospital and walking straight to the bus stop which was just near his auto stand. Mission accomplished, life’s meaning met, he found her, his —--------- .  But what will he do next? He is a raw, unpolished piece of mediocre thief. Auto driver is his first decent identity. How will he approach her, what will he say? How will he introduce himself? What are his options, what are his next steps? But he can't die this way, with no conclusion, there is certainly some way out there. After all, now he knows her name and place.  Adhirai, Adhirai  from Chidambaram! 

Anything is possible, let's just wait and watch what unfolds. The journey definitely has an End!

"इसका दम टूट जाए, फिर भी उसकी याद हटेगी नहीं।"

Silent Aftermath

 The world has survived countless catastrophes — meteor strikes, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis, and the list goes on. Flora and fauna have evolved beyond these, but Homo sapiens prepared for them. We trained for catastrophes. Today we have tsunami warning systems, earthquake evacuation exercises, fire drills, and more. These trainings might help us manage the event, but no one is ever prepared to face the aftermath. The destruction, the restoration, the recovery — all are painful, and no training manual exists to face those.

Think beyond natural disasters — think about the man‑made madness that destroys us emotionally. Consider layoffs at work. Layoffs are so common that both parties (employer and employee) are conditioned to deal with the moment it happens. Yet no amount of training can prepare you for the aftermath: the emotional void the next day, the embarrassment of facing yourself, the questioning — “Why me?” Even for the ultra‑prepared wiseacre who already has the next job lined up, going through the termination may be manageable, but the event still leaves scars.

For us individuals, the  bad news you heard, the petty fight you had, the broken heart, the unspoken words, the trip you couldn’t take, the FOMO —  the time after you actually missed out, the anxiety about future, sometimes just a thought can put us in a void you are not ready to face. The aftermath is something we have to deal with in silence. Dreadful silence! 

Love Lives Forever!

She was the kind who always wanted to become the mom asap! always dreaming of having her own kids, love the husband, cherish the pregnancy, take the kids to school, tutor them a bit, lots of love and nothing else.

Universe had other plans. she was not loved, no one spoke of babies with her, no one appreciated her mommy talks. she was sad, but never lost hope.

one fine day she met a man, married him and started living the dream. And then one day on a cold November night she felt a nice little baby in her tummy. She felt exalted from that day on. Her dream coming true. The unbelievable happening! Dream world and real world have some differences. There is no money, class, expectations, pressure in dreams. real world has them all. she felt it, but that did not deter her from living her dreams. The beautiful baby was there in her hands. She was becoming the mom she wanted to be. Her kid was the most precious one, the cutest, the best ever she could ask for. Babies cry, sometimes mommies know why and sometimes they don’t. it’s not the baby’s fault or the mom’s.

life was beautiful, she was living the dream! until it all crashed. An unknown sickness took the kid away. Her baby was no more. Just no more. There was no more going back. The kid was just gone!

She was shattered. Dream shattered. Part of her died with her kid. Has anyone felt the pain of losing themselves? That was her life without her kid.

Life moves on. Doesn’t mean she moved on. She was pushed, dragged, pushed herself, dragged herself. She lived, made more babies. Loved them, took care of them, lived a life!

As observers we see her with a good life, but only she feels the deep pain; for us, she moved on but she can never recover from her loss; we see her love but only she knows what love meant once!

Her pain is real. She can’t cry.

She lost her love. She can’t scream.

One day she will be with her kid. We will just observe!